Alice vs the Mad Hatter
by Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses
Summary: Of all the possible things about the Mad Hatter that drives Alice away is the one thing the Mad Hatter will ALWAYS do to a guest of the Mad Tea Party: take away your cup and make you move down the absurdly long table when he screams his signature battle cry of needing a clean cup and a new place to sit. Modern-day Alice in Wonderland, WCMI inspired. Eventual Alice/Reggie fluff.
1. It Started With a Shout for a Clean Cup

**Author's Note: Sorry for the absolute randomness of this little fic here. This is based off a dream I had last night and you guys know how random and meaningless a dream like this can be. Leave me a comment and let me know what you think! :) And yes, this is slightly more modern day and Alice is more tomboy than a prissy girly girl. No offense intended to the prissy girly girls that read this fic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own _"Alice_ _in_ _Wonderland"._**

**Like and review please! Reviews make me happy and make me wanna write a new chapter! :)**

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_Prologue: Alice vs. Hatter_

"**Clean cup! Clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!**"

I jumped at the sudden proclamation as my cup was yanked out of my hand and thrown across the yard and pushed out of my seat by my overexcited companion, urging me to run down the length of the table. Getting just enough room between us as he continued pushing me down the length of the table, I sidestepped him as he continued on to another seat before stopping and looking around as if he lost something. "Looking for someone?" I called after him, getting his attention and a surprised look on his face.

"How did that happen?"

I rolled my eyes at the white haired man's simplemindedness and remarked, "_That_ goes to show you how clueless you are, Reggie, if I can sidestep you and you not notice." The Hatter scowled at this and backtracked to where I stood, poised to grab hold of me. I watched him warily as he continued to draw near until he was practically standing on top of me and craning his neck downward to look at me. "You didn't move down," he said casually, acting as if he were commenting on the weather. "No, I didn't and I _won't_ do it unless you were to make me," I replied snappily, standing my ground as the Hatter's form loomed over me and jumped as I felt strong hands grab hold of my thin waist. Yanking myself out of the madman's grasp, I delivered a slap across the face and glared. "Come on, Cricket. Don't make me fight you," he coaxed, body tensed as if ready to spring into action if I resisted.

"And if I _don't_ move? What will you do then, Hatter? Carry me?" I asked sarcastically, taking a few steps back as he moved a little closer to me than I would've liked him to be. "_That_ can be arranged," he stated, a mischievous glint coming to his eyes as he again made a grab at me. "Don't you dare," I warned, screaming as the Hatter wrapped his hands around me and threw me over his shoulder in a dead man's carry and began back down the length of the table set up in the garden.

"Hatter! Put me down!" I shouted, pounding on his back to get him to let me down though he wouldn't until he was satisfied with the new location at the table. Finally after being jostled around and staring down the colorful man's back, he sat me down in a plain wooden chair and took a seat on my right. "Was that so hard?" he asked, smiling at me. I shook my head vigorously and pushed my hair out of my face from when I had been held upside down and my cheeks red from his arm holding me in place over his shoulder with one hand draped across my lower back and the other on the back of my knees to keep me from kicking him in the face from the manhandling.

I didn't respond, merely glaring at him and attempted to make myself a cup of tea when it was promptly snatched from my hands. "Reg, if you don't want me here, you could've just said so up front!" I stated angrily, getting up and made for the gate that encompassed the Mad Tea Party Garden. "You'll be back, Cricket! I'll be waiting for you!" the hatmaker called after me, further irking me with everything I have to deal with when in his presence.

That had gotten me thinking: if I can't stand him and all his quirks, why do I keep going back to see him? "That's it. I've said this too many times before, but I mean it when I say it now: I'm never going back there again," I said to myself, nodding my head in finalization of my statement and continued on my way home.

Nearly a month passed since the awkward situation with Hatter and so far I kept true to my word of staying away from the endless tea party. At times, a crazy flight of fancy would cross my mind and wonder what the mercury addled man has been doing, but I pushed the thought aside, knowing if I kept thinking on it, I would become curious and my curiosity would lead me to the entrance of the Mad Tea Party Garden and the deranged man that never seemed to leave the premises.

Of course, it would also would've given me an excuse to get out of wearing the dress my mother laid out for me to wear today.

"Oh, Alice, that looks so becoming on you!" my mother gushed, tying my hair back with a black satin ribbon like she used to do when I was little. I faked a smile at her in my reflection though I'm cringing on the inside. Playing along with my mother's wishes for now, I smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles in the fabric that made up the dress and asked, "You think so?" The older woman nodded, kissing my cheek before leaving me alone.

...

The Hatter was at a loss for what to do. Alice hadn't turned up at the tea table in a month and he wondered if she finally decided to leave Wonderland permanently this time like she threatened so many times before. So naturally, he didn't have someone that wasn't the March Hare or the Dormouse to harass while they drank their tea.

What he didn't expect to see was the object of his thoughts sitting alone at a table outside a café at the end of the street. The Hatter stopped, taking in the sight of the blonde, taking note of the light blue frock dress she wore instead of a shirt covered in tea stains and shorts like she would always wear to the tea party. For the first time, the Hatter didn't know how to react to the blonde who had refused to make an appearance in his neck of the woods for some time.

Taking a deep breath, the Hatter mustered up what muchness he could before it could escape and made a beeline for Alice.

...

I stared at the teacup sitting innocently on its saucer before me, half expecting it to be taken away from me by the Mad Hatter before I realized he isn't here and couldn't stop me from drinking the beverage if I wanted to. Picking up the delicate piece of china, my eyes instinctively darted around to make sure I wouldn't be robbed of the drink (as is a force of habit since my first tea party in the company of the Mad Hatter, March Hare, and Dormouse) before I took a sip. It was like the cup of tea my sister made this morning which was a little mild by my standards and definitely did_ not _reach the Hatter's sky high expectations of the drink.

"Hello, Cricket," a familiar voice said from behind, prompting me to roll my eyes out of slight irritation of the man, but it was more out of habit than real irritation. Looking up and over my shoulder at the Hatter, I sighed and answered, "Hey." There was a moment where we didn't say anything and the white haired man took a seat across from me, striking up random conversation with me and occasionally pointing at various things he thought interesting in the masses of people that occupied the streets of Wonderland, keeping me thoroughly amused like he always does.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to get going now," he said distractedly, getting up and left before I could say anything else. I shrugged and thought nothing more of it, returning to the cup of nearly forgotten tea to find Hatter must've drank it while I wasn't looking. I scowled at this, but instead shrugged it off, knowing he would've done it if we were anywhere else, especially at the Mad Tea Party.

The sound of breaking glass drew me from my thoughts as I jolted in my seat and turned around to look at the Mad Hatter incredulously, wondering how in the world he could just sneak up on me like he did, considering the man isn't able to keep quiet long. For a moment, my gaze flicked between the man and the pile of broken plates at his feet. The platinum blonde watched me with an odd smile on his face, sensing he had my attention and wouldn't be losing it any time soon.

"He broke it!" the Hatter proclaimed childishly, pointing to a young boy standing near him. The child paused, his gaze flicking between me and the man, shaking his head vigorously and pointing at Hatter by way of saying, "No, I didn't! He did!" I sighed, placing my hands on my hips and looked back to the boy. "Did you see him do it?" I asked him, getting rewarded with a nod. Looking back up, I found the madman wasn't where I left him, but rather, hiding behind a garbage can and trying to be inconspicuous.

"Don't think for a moment I can't see you hiding behind there, Reginald Theophilus!"

The Mad Hatter flinched at the sound of his name, peering out from behind the garbage can and waved at me with a nervous smile on his face. "You know you're in trouble. Get over here," I ordered, pointing at the spot before me, staring the mercury addled man down. Reggie, surprisingly, did as I bid of him and stepped out in the open with gloved hands raised in the air as if in surrender.

"Come here, Reg," I ordered, crooking a finger at him in a 'come hither' motion and leveled him with a stern look that would've been appropriate on the face of a mother reprimanding her child. He then took a large step backwards.

"Don't think about it," I warned him, taking a few steps forward.

The Hatter flashed me a mock innocent smile from over his shoulder as he turned in the opposite direction of me. And...

He ran.

"Get back here! Hatter!" I shouted, sprinting after him, not caring if I messed up the dress my mother had insisted I wear today._ Same old Reg, always running away to avoid confrontation_, I thought, keeping the streak of bright orange and green in my line of sight as I chased the man through the crowds.


	2. Back to Square One

**Author's Note: Yay, another chapter! Sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. Couldn't get inspiration.**

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_Chapter One: Back to Square One_

I should've stopped chasing him when we reached the outskirts of the town, but no. The Hatter went on to taunt me when I was just going to let him go after a while. He obviously has something planned for me. "Hatter!" I shouted, slowing to a stop as he disappeared from sight. "I see what he's doing and I'm _not_ going to fall for it!" I muttered, turning on a heel to head back to the town.

"Aren't you coming?" the Hatter's voice rang out, getting me to pause and look over my shoulder at him. "I see what you're doing, Reg, and I'm not going to play your game!" I snapped, shrieking in surprise and anger as he picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder like he did the day I resolved to never going back to the Mad Tea Party. The entire way there consisted of me thrashing around in his embrace and voicing my extreme displeasure as he carried me.

After several more minutes passed, the sound of the rhythmic whistling teapots and singing reached my ears. Setting me down at the table, I glared and slapped him. "Don't _ever_ do that to me again!" I shouted, turning to walk away but paused at the shout of, "You'll miss the surprise if you leave now!"

"What are you on about, Reg?" I asked hesitantly, knowing I'm playing into it like he thought I would. _Damn my curiosity_, I thought.

He smiled. "I'm going to play a prank on Ears."

I cocked my head to the side in curiosity and asked, "What did you plan on doing?" Taking me by the arm, the Hatter led me to the back door and instructed, "Now, just stand there, bang on the door real loud, and scream at him to get out here. The rest will fall into place after that." I nodded my head in understanding and watched out of the corner of my eye as the platinum haired man backed away to hide in the bushes with a wicked smile on his face. Pushing it out of my mind, I started banging on the door and a few moments later, the door flung open and I let out a high pitched shriek of surprise at the feel of slime oozing down my body and absorbing into my dress.

"Alice! What in the world happened to you?" Ears cried, shocked at the appearance of the green slime streaming down my face. Swiping it away from my eyes, I turned to the hatmaker who was struck down by a laughing fit on the ground.

"Reginald, that's not funny!" I shrieked, turning red in the face with anger. "My mom's going to kill me when she sees this!"

"That was great!" the man gasped out, tears of mirth streaming down his face from laughing so hard.

"I thought you were going to prank Ears!" I said, pointing at the rabbit.

"Wait? What?"

"You want me to do him, too? Fine," the Hatter laughed, pulling the cord in his hand again, dumping more of the slime, this time getting the March Hare. The rabbit responded in the same manner as I did and let out an outraged scream.

"Reginald!"

The madman pushed himself off the ground, still laughing and ran for the gate when we lunged for him.

"Get back here!"

"Save your breath, Ears. He'll be back. In the meantime, we have time to think of ways to get him back," I sighed, watching his receding form beyond the Mad Tea Party garden.

"You realize if we were to prank him, he'll want to get at us again, don't you?" the Hare said. I nodded. "Think about it! How many times has he done something like this to you? Don't you want just a tiny bit of revenge?" I asked mischievously.

"..."

"I thought so. Now to find the perfect form of practical joking to exact the best revenge we can upon him," I said, uttering a crazed giggle that would've befit Reggie when he's in the mood to wreak havoc on the inhabitants of Wonderland.

"I suppose I'm in, then. What do you have in mind?"

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**Author's Note: Send me a Private Message for a suggestion! I'd love to hear your thoughts! :D**


	3. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Twice

**Author's Note: To CjGraceWeasley for the suggestion that something embarrassing should happen to happen to either Alice or Hatter, is this embarrassing enough for you? And to jjhatter for the ideas of mustard replacing the butter, pins in chairs, stolen hats in the Queen's palace, and worms in teapots, here you go! :D**

**Leave me a comment with your suggestion of what form of practical joking you would like to see happen and who you'd like to see as the victim of the prank! :D**

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_Chapter Two: Revenge is a Dish Best Served Twice_

"Are you sure about this, Alice?"

"Hell, yes! It's so amazingly awesome, we can't pass it up!"

Opening the door to the Hatter's room, we made our way to the dresser on the wall opposite and opened it. "Oh, my God, are those green beans?" I asked, pulling the drawer out and dumping its contents into the basket Ears and I brought.

"Paper clips... green beans... tea cups and tea bags... not surprising to find in here... what is that?" I mumbled, interest piqued at a magazine with bold words screaming '_Chicks Galore_' across the top of the cover. I blushed and said, "The Hatter is such a perv! Girly magazine!" Opening it up to see what was inside, I made a face at the pictures of baby chickens and passed it to Ears to let him look.

"The way you said it, I thought it was going to be a catalog for girly underthings," the rabbit said, flipping through the pages.

"Never mind it, Ears! We have to get this done before Hatter gets home!" I barked, moving to the closet and nearly died laughing at the eye watering color combinations of clothing within. The fabrics were as colorful as Reg's personality and almost everything in the closet was covered in sequins and rhinestones or something of the like. "That man is ridiculous! Maybe I should steal one of his shirts to give my dad for Christmas as a gag gift," I commented, pulling off an arm load of shirts off their hangers and tossing them into the basket.

"You know this is a bad idea. Doing this is only going to propel him to do something to you," the rabbit said.

"I know, but we're already here! Why stop now?" I replied, pulling out the rest of the clothes and threw them into one of the many baskets I brought along.

"Where on Earth did you come up with such an idea?"

I blushed. "... My brother did this to me by taking all my underthings and stringing them up along the power lines once. Mom made him get them down, though," I said, starting to take the baskets outside, but paused when I heard water running in the bathroom. I cracked an evil smile and whispered, "Let's make him suffer." Before the Hare could respond, I quietly slipped into the bathroom and snatched up his clothes, both clean and dirty before slipping back out.

"That's going to be pushing your luck, Alice," Ears warned, but I ignored him, taking up the baskets and racing outside.

...

The Hatter just knew Alice and Ears were responsible for the disappearance of his clothes. He didn't even know they were in his home to begin with! Grumbling to himself, Hatter wrapped a towel around his waist and headed for his bedroom.

Opening one of the drawers, he frowned, finding it empty. In fact, all of the drawers and the closet were empty.

"Oh, hell. I really need to start locking the doors," he moaned, sensing this was only the start of his humiliation to get his clothes back.

Walking outside, his eyes widened at seeing a lone sock dangling from a low limb of a tree and went to retrieve it when he saw another sock. And another and another... leading into the town.

"Damn it!"

...

"Any minute now, he'll be coming," I said, proud of myself for purposefully leaving bits of clothing outside the parts of town that were heavily populated and stores that sold feminine goods.

"Alice, I'm all for getting payback, but this is taking it too far!" Ears cried, his namesake perking at the sounds of roaring laughter.

"There he is now," I said satisfactorily, leaning back in my chair as the platinum blonde scrambled to recover his wayward articles of clothing having already recovered a pair of boxers and a towel draped over his shoulder.

"That a boy, Reg!" I crowed, holding up a pair of pants from the pile beside me in triumph.

"I _knew_ you were behind this!" Reginald screamed, lunging for me.

I let out a scream and ran, leaving the man behind to continue gathering the articles of clothing.

It was some hours later that a fully clothed Hatter arrived back at the tea party. The man sat down and glared at me the entire time, not moving or saying anything for an entire forty minutes.

"This must be a new record for you, Reggie. I haven't seen you be this quiet for forty minutes," I commented cheerily. The hatmaker said nothing, his glare growing deeper.

"I helped with your prank, it's time for mine," Ears whispered, fidgeting excitedly in his seat. I quirked an eyebrow in wonderment. "I thought you said we pushed him too far in the town?" I whispered, low enough the Hatter couldn't hear, but Ears heard me just fine. "The clothes was too far, but mine is far more restrained than yours," he replied.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Watch. Reggie, you haven't drank anything for a while. Would you like some tea?" Ears replied, saying the last part loud enough Reg could hear. That seemed to knock him out of his stupor and nodded. Taking up a pot, Ears smiled (what I thought was) pleasantly at the man at the offered cup and poured. The resulting sound didn't sound like tea being poured but rather a disgusting plopping sound. My gaze flicked between Reginald's face and the cup full of mud and worms for a few moments, not sure whether to laugh or not.

"What is that?" I asked finally, tearing my gaze away from the Hatter to the Hare with a triumphant look on his furry features.

"What are you talking about? It's my prank, naturally!" Ears said, seeming indignant at the question.

"You really don't get the concept of practical jokes, do you?" I sighed.

"This trick is amateurish at best. The clothes is a good one if you want to publicly humiliate someone!" Reg added, aiming a dirty look at me when he mentioned the clothes.

**One week later...**

"Alice!"

The Hatter's angry shout echoed throughout the confines of the house, making me jump and laugh in amusement before bolting out of the house with Reginald's trademark top hat in hand.

"In your face, Hat Man!" I crowed, glancing over my shoulder and screamed when I found Hatter giving chase.

"Alice! Come back here with my hat!" the man shouted, catching up with me easily, but I eluded his long arms attempting to wrap themselves around me. We kept with this game of cat and mouse until we found ourselves in the Queen of Heart's castle.

"Hey do me a favor and take this. I want you to hide it before the Hatter shows up. Could you do that for me?" I asked a Card, offering the overly large hat to him. The Card's gaze flicked between me and the hat before asking, "Are you pranking him?" I nodded enthusiastically.

"Fine. I know the best place to hide it, but I'll probably lose my head for this, though..." the Card took it and set off to place he would hide Reggie's beloved headwear.

"Alice!"

I flinched at the loud voice as Reggie rounded a corner and came into view.

"Hiya, Reg. What brings you here?" I asked, feigning innocence.

"You know _exactly_ what brings me here, woman!" the Hatter roared.

I was not daunted by the man's larger form looming over me like a menacing cloud threatening to storm. Instead, I flashed an innocent smile and pulled his pants down around his ankles in a swift motion and ran, laughing as the hatmaker struggled to run after me while at the same time pulling his trousers back up.

**Hours later back at the Mad Tea Party garden...**

"I don't believe you did that!"

"Don't yell, Reggie. I'm perfectly capable of hearing you from two feet away," I said calmly, no denying the amusement in my blue eyes as I watched the deranged man staring down his nose at me.

"You just about made me lose my head!" he shrieked, unaware I wasn't watching him anymore but rather Ears, who decided to sneak up from behind him and placed a tack in his seat before I turned to regard the Hatter, who still hadn't noticed my attention was diverted for a few moments.

"Reginald, please sit down. Your screaming is giving me a headache," I said, reaching up to press a hand to my head, wincing at the slight throbbing pain in my temple. Looking up to gauge the man's reaction, I silently cheered when he took a seat, promptly yelping in pain and jumping back out of his chair at the pin puncturing his arse.

"Alice...!"

"Don't look at me. I didn't do that," I said defensively, shaking my head.

"Ears!"

The rabbit jumped, getting out of his seat and ran down the length of the table to escape the wrath of the mercury addled hatmaker.

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**Author's Note: Don't forget to leave me reviews and suggestions on what kind of prank you'd like to see and who you wanna have fall victim!**


	4. Exlax, Patriots, and Joybuzzers

**Author's Note: I'm back! Thank you guys for the reviews and hilariously devious ideas! Keep up with this guys and I'll make it worth your while! :D Sorry it took me so long with this. Writer's block sucks. :(**

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_Chapter Three: Exlax, Patriots, and Joybuzzers_

"**I want revenge!**"

Jumping in his seat, Ears looked up to his usually hyperactive companion and sighed, sensing where the sudden proclamation was going to lead him. The duo had come to a truce (for the moment, at least) and Ears was reduced to listening to the Hatter rant about whatever came to his mind (which wasn't much of anything, if you think about it.). Alice had long since left for home, leaving Reginald to scheme ways to bring the blonde down.

"What are you on about?" Ears asked in mock interest, waiting for the reply.

"What football team did you say Alice goes for? The Patriots?"

The Hare nodded.

"In that case, I need a roll of clear Saran Wrap, toilet paper, fifty gallons of tea, and the Patriots logo stamped on the paper."

"I don't understand what you're getting at. The tea I understand, but what's the toilet paper for?" Ears questioned, feeling his curiosity getting piqued.

"I need something to drink while I'm scheming... Plus, we're out of toilet paper. Just saying," the man replied, shrugging.

"I see what you're doing. You're going to put the Saran Wrap on the door and hope she'll walk into it," the rabbit accused.

"Yeah, I am! And if that doesn't work, I'll just go on to Plan 'B'. For that, I'm gonna need a vat of tar, a truckload of feathers, a mini trampoline, and four zebras."

"... That's more along the lines of _im_practical joking than practical, Reg."

"So I'm guessing I need to revise Plan 'B' a little bit?"

...

Laying on the floor staring up at the ceiling in my room, I quietly plotted the Mad Hatter's downfall, cooking up one plan after the next before one came to mind and burst out laughing.

"That would be priceless!" I cried out, pushing myself onto my feet and went for the kitchen to look for the item I desired.

"What are you doing, Alice?"

"Hey, Dad," I said, glancing over to acknowledge the man before going back to rifle through the contents of the cabinets before smiling in triumph. "I found it!" I said happily, pulling it out and looked over the directions.

"Hon, is there something you're trying to tell me?" Dad asked me, eyeing the canister quizzically.

I scowled. "No! It's not for me, Daddy! I'm in the middle of a war and I want revenge!" I protested, using my whiny voice whenever the man said or did something that embarrassed me.

"Doing that will only result in the war progressing further, you know," Dad said, his tone hinting at wanting me to put a stop to this and call up a truce with Reggie.

"He dumped a suspicious slime on my head! Not only that, _he won't leave me alone_!" I seethed, memories of many different incidents where the Hatter put me in odd situations like that occasion last Halloween where he dressed me up in a naughty bunny costume. I shuddered at the memory, but Reg seemed more than pleased with getting his way only because he stole my clothing. To this day, I'm still short a few pairs of bras and underwear and I have no suspicions that Reginald is still in possession of the aforementioned underthings.

"I don't care, Alice. That's going to be amusing to you, but it won't be so funny to him," he said warningly, taking a last look at the seemingly innocent container of medicine in my hand before he left.

Close to an hour later, I headed out for Reggie's home, eager to exact even more revenge.

"Hey, Ears. Where's Hatter?" I greeted, walking into the garden.

"He isn't here at the moment, but look at this nifty little thing I bought while I was out!" he replied, holding out his hand to show a small band with a lone circular component in the center of his palm.

"What is that?" I asked, shifting my hold on the pan to examine it, jolting when I touched it.

"The store manager said it was called a joybuzzer," he said happily, laughing as I shook myself to recover from the shock.

"Oldie, but goodie. I see that look in your eyes. You're not getting one," I warned.

"But why?"

"Unless you wanna be the victim here, don't eat it," I said, setting the container down on the table.

"What did you do to those brownies?"

"I booby trapped them. Poor Reggie won't even know what hit him! He's probably gonna lose thirty or so pounds after this," I said wickedly, setting the tray out in the open where I know Hatter will see it.

"Speaking of which, where is that lunatic, anyway?"

Just as I said that, I let out a scream as something small wrapped itself around my ankle and raised me into the air upside down suspended by a rope cleverly concealed by the tree.

"Reginald! Let me down!" I screamed, attempting to locate the animated man while at the same time trying to grab my ankle to undo the rope that caught hold of me.

"This is war!"

Looking up (or rather, down) at the loud proclamation, I burst into a fit of laughter as the Hatter jumped over the fence and into the yard clad in a Patriots football uniform.

"Oh, my God, what are you doing?!" I gasped out, calming down from my laughing fit enough to speak.

"Exacting revenge on you for the clothes, stealing my hat, and pulling my pants down in the Queen's castle!"

"You got to admit, you had it coming, Reg," I deadpanned, managing to straighten out my smile into a thin line as the platinum blonde came to stand beneath me.

"She's got a point, you know. With as many situations you put her in and humiliated her, Alice is far from done getting even with you," Ears chimed in.

"Quiet, you! That doesn't help!" Reg cried.

"Hey, I'm not looking for trouble, Reggie. I came with a peace offering," I said defensively, placing a hand to my head and gave it a shake starting to feel dizzy from all the blood rushing to my head.

"Where?"

"Where else, you mercury addled ninny? On the table! Where else would I put it? In your bedroom?" I exclaimed, feeling my patience wearing thin with him as he finally lowered the rope suspending me in the air and back onto the ground. "Ooh! I need to lay down for a minute," I moaned, glancing up as the duo began digging into the brownies I had brought with me.

"Say, Alice… what sort of brownies did you make?"

"Death by chocolate. I know it's your favorite," I grinned, watching eagerly as the Hatter munched happily away on the treats. "How do you like it?"

"It's really good! Almost as good as tea!"

"Excellent!" I grinned, rubbing my hands together in anticipation of the medication to take effect.

**Ten minutes later...**

"I gotta go!"

Looking up curiously, I asked, "... What?" My question wasn't answered though as the Hare and Hatter raced across the yard for the backdoor, Ears passing through just fine until Reginald fell backwards before picking himself up and disappearing into the confines of the household. I laughed at the display and didn't dare try to drink any tea for fear of snorting it if they decided to yell at me. "I just got two birds with one stone! It's great!"

**Twenty minutes later...**

"Alice!"

I flinched at the shout and looked up to the window on the second story to show it had been thrown open and Reggie was hanging out of it with a hard glare on his face. "What did you put in those brownies?!"

"Exlax! Helps your turd come out nice and smooth!" I cackled, laughing harder when a loud noise sounded from the room and the platinum groaned, ducking back in the room.

"Had a great time, Reg! We're doing this same time tomorrow, then, right?" I called out, racing for the gate when an overly large shoe was thrown out the window at my head.

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**Author's Note: Now to tally up the score of everybody who got someone in the prank war so far.**

**Reg against Alice: 4 - 4**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 1 ½**

**Alice against Reg: 4 - 4**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 1 ½ - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**If you guys want to see anything specific go down between anyone, send me a PM or leave it in the comments of who you wanna see go against who with what prank! And, yes, I gave Ears half a point for the mud and worms in the tea pot 'cause I'm nice like that and a whole point for the pin in the Hatter's chair. I gotta give him at least a little credit for trying to get into the swing of things with practical joking.**

**Yeah and the only reason Reggie has so much is 'cause I'm counting him throwing Alice over his shoulders twice and the bunny costume though the first two wasn't a prank really and the costume wasn't brought up in this story and happened in the past. **

**And if you'd ****like to see Reggie's idea of the ultimate prank to happen in the next chapter, be sure to let me know about it! XD**


	5. Paint and Female Comebacks

**Author's Note: Welcome back! I'm going out on a limb here and tell you there is a short lull in the prank war and Reggie is trying to get even with Alice and attempts to woo her, so I get a little fluffy with it and slip one or to different pranks in there for you all as well. And if you're curious about the comebacks, I have them posted on my profile for your enjoyment. :D Thank you jjhatter for your delightfully devious ideas for the story!**

**As for the rest of you, you all saw the scoreboard at the bottom of the page and I just thought I'd say you'll be seeing it again at the end of each chapter to keep track. Plus this chapter is rated T for the slightly crude jokes and pick up lines 'cause I'm paranoid.**

* * *

_Chapter Four: Paint and Female Comebacks_

Taking a seat at the table, I allowed myself to glance around the confines of the little restaurant I discovered and found it rather quaint compared to the outrageously large table outside the Hare's home. Thus far, the prank war has come to a lull in the action and we came to a truce for the moment though I'm still wary of being in the madman's presence.

"So... Where have you been all my life?" Reggie asked me from behind, getting me to turn in my seat to face him with a quizzical look. The Hatter was standing not five feet from me, watching with interest.

_... He's joking right?_ "Hiding from you," I replied swiftly, smirking slightly when the Hatter's brows creased together, obviously thinking I would've fallen for it.

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

_Oh, my God! Are you that simpleminded? You see me everyday at teatime, you ninny!_ "Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore," I said. Okay, that's a half-truth. I wanted to stay away, but the Hatter came along and manhandled me right back.

"Is this seat empty?" he questioned, coming around to take a seat.

_Well, gee, what's it look like to you? If it's empty, it's empty! Sheesh!_ "Yes, and this one will be, too, if you sit down." The Hatter promptly pulled out the chair and sat down. I scowled.

"Your place or mine?"

A pink tint came to my cheeks at that and kicked him under the table. "Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine," I said in annoyance.

"So, what do you do for a living?" he asked.

Raising an eyebrow in wonderment, I thought, _You should know, Reggie, considering you show up and harass me while I'm working at the library._ "I'm a female impersonator," I replied, an evil gleam coming to my eyes and an equally wicked grin finding its way on my mouth at the Hatter's slightly widened eyes and pulled awkwardly at the collar of his shirt before he tried again.

"Hey, baby, what's your sign?" he asked me.

"Do not enter," I answered, my scowl deepening at the man's lack of getting the message that I want to be left alone.

"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Reginald asked. Now it's his turn to smile deviously at the blush that blossomed on my cheeks and tried to hide behind the menu when other patrons of the establishment cast disapproving looks our way, particularly Reginald.

"Unfertilized."

"Your body is like a temple."

"Sorry, there's no services today," I replied, the blush spreading to my ears and down my neck. _Reginald! For the love of all that is good and holy, leave me alone!_ I silently begged the man, knowing full well that he won't.

"I would go to the end of the world for you," he said finally.

"But would you stay there?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow at him. For a while there was a pause before the platinum blonde to out of his feet and trudged away. I felt a small pang of guilt for driving him away like that as he turned a corner and disappeared from sight, but that guilt was crushed as the pick up lines he tried on me ran through my mind.

...

"I thought you said those pickup lines would work! She rejected me!" Reginald complained to the young man as he took a seat at the table.

Raising an eyebrow quizzically, he answered, "I did say that and they do work. You probably just said them wrong."

"No! I said them _exactly_ how you did, Brian, and she shot me down with... _snide female remarks_!" the Hatter replied, looking downtrodden at the brunette sitting across from him. "She's good. She's _really_ good."

"We'll see about that. Time to pull out the irresistible pick up lines that score me a chick every time," Brian sighed, cracking his knuckles and headed off in the direction the Hatter had come from.

...

"If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."

Spitting out my drink in shock, I looked up at the speaker and found a young man in the Mad Hatter's place. "Excuse me?!" I exclaimed, a dark blush appearing on my face again.

"You heard me, sweet thing," he replied coolly. "If I saw you naked, I'd die happy."

_Alright, who's this joker? Apparently he's going to be dense like Hatter_, I thought, glaring at my new companion. "If I saw _you_ naked, I'd probably die laughing," I said, feeling my patience with men wearing short very quickly.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together," he tried again, leaning over the table.

"Really, I'd put F and U together," I countered, kicking him under the table and getting rewarded with a pained yelp.

"Your eyes... they're amazing," he said after a few moments, trying to sound sweeter than intended.

"Seeing your back would be pretty amazing."

"I'd like to call you. What's your number?" he asked, an apparent longing in his eyes for the information.

"It's in the phone book," I replied.

"But I don't know your name," he said, frowning slightly.

"That's in the phone book, too," I said with a cheeky grin before my mouth straightened back into a thin line in irritation of the young man.

"I know how to please a woman," he said lowly, a wicked smile on his face at keeping the blush present on my face.

"Then please leave me alone," I sighed, looking to the ceiling, praying to God the brunette would take the hint and leave.

"I can tell you want me."

Looking back to my companion, I groaned. _How dense can a guy be? Seriously, now!_ "Oh, you're so right!" I exclaimed with false enthusiasm. "I want you to leave."

"My pretty face is leaving in ten minutes. Please be on it," he tried, pleading with me.

"Really, then it will be to smack you," I scowled, tossing my drink in his face, issuing gasps from those who were witnessing the constant rejections.

"Wanna go home and play zookeeper? You be the lion and I'll feed you the meat," he said seductively.

_Wow, buddy. You must think you're a real Casanova with the ladies._ "If it's meat your giving me, it better be you because you're _dead_ meat to me."

"Did it hurt?" _It seems he's really hoping for me to fall for this!_ I growled in annoyance and slapped him.

"Seeing your face? Yes, yes it did," I said sharply, getting up and leaving.

...

"You didn't get her, either, did you?" the white headed man asked, folding his arms over his chest, watching as the blonde woman strode out of the building.

Brian shrugged. "You were right. That chick's something else. The ladies I bag usually come quietly."

"Oh, Alice isn't a delicate little flower, my friend. She's like a rose; beautiful, but that also means she has thorns and she knows full well how to use them. My little Cricket is quite the challenge and I never expected that beauty to come quietly. She's going to make a hell of a lot of noise before she comes with anyone," the Hatter sighed dreamily, watching the place that Alice disappeared.

"Good luck with that, man. And you weren't kidding. For a girl, she can put a lot of muscle into a hit."

"I told you. And you thought I was joking."

...

"The nerve of that guy! I mean seriously, Ears! He embarrassed me in front of the whole damn restaurant!" I ranted, watching the Hare as he moved about the expanse of his yard and the length of the table.

"If it makes you feel better, I'll give him a good talking to when he gets back."

"The last time you gave me a 'good talking to', you wagged a finger at me and said 'don't let this happen again'," I replied angrily. "Both he and that joker he brought with him tried pick up lines and talked about my body! Reggie asked how I like my eggs in the morning!" I cried, blushing madly and Ears looked positively scandalized at what I told him as I went to grab a pot and pour myself a drink before I paused, smelling something out of the ordinary in the yard. "... What is that smell?" Lifting the lid of the tea pot in my hand, I peered in to look at the contents and looked up to Ears.

"Ears?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"What is this?"

"Why, that's mustard."

"I know what it is, you hair brained idiot! Why is this tea pot filled with mustard?"

The March Hare scowled, offended. "It's part one of my prank!"

"This is for Reggie, ain't it?" I said amusedly, setting the pot back down on the table.

"You bet it is!" Ears cried, "Part one of four pranks in rapid succession! It will be epic! ... That's what you kids say these days, yes?"

"Yeah, Ears. And let me ask you this; are all the tea pots filled with mustard?"

The Hare grinned. "Oh, yes. And we all know how much Reg _hates_ mustard, so I thought it'd be a good idea," he replied, clearly pleased with himself.

"I guess so," I mused. "Wait. What? Part one of four? What are the other pranks?"

"Alice!"

I flinched at the shout of my name and turned to see the Hatter racing into the yard and spotted a yellow peel on the ground just as the animated man stepped on it and slipped, somehow pulling off a backward somersault before landing on his back. "Where did that come from?" he asked, sitting up and pulling the banana peel off from the bottom of his shoe. "Anyways, Brian told me to give this to you," he said, holding up a piece of paper for me to take.

"Brian? You mean the guy who tried to pick me up with asking to see me in bed?" I asked in annoyance as I took the paper and glanced over the digits scrawled across the page. "He just opened himself up to the possibility of prank calls," I said finally, turning on a heel to head into the house to find a phone.

"Prank calls? I'm in!" the Hatter cried, following me into the house, giggling all the while as Ears proclaimed, "Part two on Reggie, baby!"

Punching the number into the phone, I snickered as Reginald took a seat beside me and tilted it to the side to listen in, giggling crazily when we were met with Brian's voice asking, "Hello?"

"Yes, hello. I'm looking for Mr. Jass. First name Hugh," I said in mock seriousness, getting a look from Reginald when the young man repeated the name questioningly.

"That's right! Hugh Jass!" I said, the two of us stifling giggles when Brian responded, "That's not funny. Who is this?" The Hatter and I could no longer contain it as we burst out laughing and hung up.

"What else you got? Besides Hugh Jass?" Reggie asked, laughing.

"I got one from my brother that asks for Mike Rotch!" I cried, doubling over in laughter.

"Mike Rotch! Brilliant! Oh, God, help me! My ribs! My ribs!" the Hatter shouted, howling with laughter, at this point lying on his back on the floor holding his sides in hysterics.

"Let's wait before calling again."

**Five minutes later...**

"Hello?"

"You will die in seven days," I said grimly before hanging up.

"Hey, Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I got a surprise outside for you. It's a peace offering of sorts," the white haired man said, taking my wrist and dragged me into the backyard.

"What sort of surpr-AAIIEE!" I screeched in shock as bright pink paint fell over my head and a flash of light overtook my vision, temporarily stunning me.

"The look on your face was priceless!" the Hatter cackled, standing in the middle of the yard with a camera in one hand and a string in the other connecting to a series of pulleys I somehow didn't see that led to a bucket that's now empty of its contents and dripping down my face and clothes.

"Now to go about showing this picture to everyone I come across!" the man cried gleefully, racing out of the yard and slipping on the discarded banana peel again and got the same results as I tackled him back to the ground when I caught up.

"Give me the camera, Hatter!" I shouted, reaching over his shoulder and attempted to snatch the offending item out of his hand. We continued to wrestle with each other for the upper hand and it seemed the Mad Hatter clearly had it as he pinned me under him, freezing when collective exclamations filled the air, mostly the shout being: "Oh, my God! Get the camera!" Sensing what was happening, I struggled to get out from under the Mad Hatter as a red tint came to my face and neck. Just as I got to my feet, the Hatter pulled me back down again as he tried to clamber to his feet.

**The next day...**

"At least they got my good side."

"Quiet, you! It's your fault this happened!" I snapped, my face beet red in anger and embarrassment at the picture of me and Reginald on the front page of the newspaper, the headlines screaming '_Tea Party Scandal!_'.

"Wipe that idiotic smile off your face!" I shouted, smacking the hatmaker upside the head with the paper.

"Come on! How was I to know there would be paparazzi arriving to take pictures of us unawares?" Reginald defended, reaching for a cup to top off his half full cup of mustard.

"..."

"What? Is there something on my face? And might I say, if you made the tea this morning, your skills are lacking tremendously," the Hatter commented, pausing to examine the contents of his cup, bringing me amusement when his freckled face screwed up into one of disgust.

"Cricket?"

"Yeah?"

"There's mustard in my cup."

"I see that."

"That means I drank five cups of mustard, doesn't it?"

"Yup."

"You're behind this!" Reggie accused, standing up suddenly enough to make the chair fall backwards and pointing his finger at me.

"You're accusing the wrong person! Even though I could consider it payback for the awkward position you had me in when the paparazzi showed up," I defended, pointing at the March Hare as the brown rabbit exited the house and the Hatter turned to face his counterpart in annoyance.

"Ears!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Time to score up the points again! Bonus points to those of you who figured out what the names were. If you do, give yourselves a pat on the back! XD**

**Reg against Alice: 5 - 5**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 3**

**Alice against Reg: 5 - 5**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 3 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Another one and a half points for Ears for the banana peel and mustard. Thanks again to jjhatter for being quite mischievous and giving me the ideas.**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	6. New Year's Hijinks and Firecrackers

**Author's Note: Guess what? Since it's getting close to Valentine's Day, I decided to give you guys a little bit of Alice/Reggie fluff to get you in the spirit for some holiday hijinks with our favorite WCMI couple! That means you all get a front row seat to the general madness that goes on with these guys during the holidays (all of them in general, mind you, starting with a late New Year's chapter) with much epic pranking and celebrations... now with even more epic pranking! ^_^ Enjoy this funny little chapter and its holiday themed pranks!**

* * *

_Chapter Five: New Year's Hijinks and Firecrackers_

_(New Year's night)_

Watching the clock, I counted backwards in my head until the clock struck midnight. Ears and I were the only ones still awake, having been jacked up on overly caffeinated tea, Reginald somehow passed out on the couch. His festive party hat was sitting askew on his white curls and a horn hanging from his mouth, accompanied by some drool. An arm was tossed over the side of the couch while the other was tucked under his head, for some reason sporting one of his shoes and the other now residing on one of the blades of the ceiling fan.

Exchanging glances, the Hare and I grinned wickedly and set to work to get a prank on the Mad Hatter in his vulnerable state of slumber. Making for the kitchen, I noted the colorful array of markers in Ears' hands (paws?) as he ran back for the living room while I grabbed the aluminum garbage can (normally, it resides outside by the fence, but always overrun by the foliage and concealing it completely from view) and followed suit.

"Oh, my God! Reggie's going to kill you when he wakes up!" I giggled, setting the can down by the deranged harberdasher's head.

"I couldn't resist!" he replied, drawing a pair of glasses on his friend's face.

Taking up a blue marker, I scribbled the word PWNED across his forehead and proceeded to draw vampire fangs on his bottom lip while Ears scrawled out a tic-tac-toe board on Reginald's left cheek. After a few minutes of doodling on the Hatter's face, I made for the backyard where all manner of colorful wrappers and packages from fireworks resided scattered across the yard and table. Upon spying a couple unopened packets of firecrackers, I smiled satisfactorily as I grabbed a couple packs, and headed back inside, dropping both in the can.

"What are you doing?" Ears questioned, watching with slightly widened eyes as I brought a match to bear and lit the fuses of the fireworks, covering our ears as they went off, the sounds amplified by the aluminum can. The moment they went off was the moment the Mad Hatter jumped out of his skin, screaming and flailing his long limbs about in surprise while me and the Hare laughed at our companion's expense.

"Happy New Year, Reggie!" I cried, laughing at the disturbed look on his face.

"So that's how it's going to be, eh?"

"Oh, yes it is."

**Four minutes later...**

"OW!" I cried, retracting my hand from my mother's probing fingers.

"Serves you and your friend right for being irresponsible with fireworks," Mom said sternly, pinching a particularly large whelp on Reggie's hand and my arm, getting yelps of pain from us.

"No more fireworks!" the older woman said sternly, the tone in her voice leaving no room for arguments.

"It's your fault, you know," the Hatter said finally after a few moments of glaring at each other from across the table.

"How is this _my_ fault? You're the one that lit a mortar to throw at my head thinking it was a smoke bomb! Who confuses those two anyway when there's such a big difference between them?!" I snapped, watching Ears come into the room and took a seat beside me.

"You _both_ had it coming, Alice. You woke him up with firecrackers, launched a Saturn Rocket at Reggie's head, and then proceeded to use him as target practice with Roman candles!"

"You thought _I_ took it a little far? And this is coming from the guy that scribbled all over his friend's face!" I countered, watching as the Hatter peered into the bucket our hands were soaking in to see his reflection and exclaim in a mix of surprise and anger before he got out of his seat and chased the March Hare out of the house.

* * *

**Author's Note: Time to score up the points again! Because I feel like it, I'll be doing the holiday thing again with their delightfully mischievous deeds that are sure to follow! The next holiday on my list to write about next: Opposite Day! What sort of insane pranks will I come up with for this? I take requests!**

**Reg against Alice: 6 - 9**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 3**

**Alice against Reg: 9 - 6**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 3 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	7. Black Eyes and Gender Swapping!

**Author's Note: Whoo! I'm on a roll! Happy late Opposite Day! XD Before I forget again, Mika (like Brian from the paint and female comebacks chapter) is an OC. Brian is from my dark Alice in Wonderland story and both Mika and Brian may or may not make another appearance unless you say you like them enough to get me to team them up with the three main people in the prank war. :)**

* * *

_Chapter Six: Black Eyes and... Gender Swapping!_

Waking up slowly that morning with sunlight streaming in through the window on his face, the Hatter growled and rolled out of bed to find he's not in his room. A quick glance around showed the usual occupant is a woman, a teenage woman to be precise. _What am I doing in Alice's room?_ Reginald thought groggily, throwing on the first thing that resembled his clothing and headed out the door, determined to figure out what happened since last night.

...

Taking a seat at the head of the table in Reggie's usual spot, I adjusted my considerably smaller (but still that bright green like the Hatter's) top hat on my head. Taking in my appearance from the reflective surface of a spoon, I smiled satisfactorily when I found nothing was out of place. Seeing as it's Opposite Day, Ears and I decided to have a little fun with the Hatter and got him in my bedroom without waking him and I took his place in his home, my outfit now consisting of everything that makes up the Hatter's on a daily basis. My once blonde hair coming a little past my shoulders is now resting at the small of my back, frizzing off my head in thick unruly curls of white and freckles dotted my cheeks and nose, everything else was fitted by a seamstress to help me better mimic the Mad Hatter.

Ears had called his cousin, Mika, to come and help with the prank to stand in for him. Seeing her in person, the resemblance between the March Hare and Mika is scary. She's currently seated on my left and had donned her cousin's usual suit of a burgundy overcoat, pale gray waistcoat, yellow bowtie, brown dress pants, and white dress shirt. Mika had been duly informed of the nature of the prank and what is to happen, the Hare was all too eager to jump in on it.

"Alice! Ears! Where are you?" the Hatter's voice rang out, getting us both to giggle crazily before putting on our act.

"Welcome to our tea party!" I cackled, throwing a teacup at the man's head as he came into sight. He was wearing his regular apparel but missing his hat and flaming orange jacket (now hidden back at his house) and for the time being until he takes a shower, his once platinum hair is now blonde. Over all, the ensemble looked similar to my blue dress and pinafore from the day the prank war had started.

"Alice...? Is that you?" Reggie questioned uncertainly, coming over to where I now stood at the head of the table, grinning widely enough to rival the Cheshire Cat's smile.

My smile vanished as I put my weight on one foot and rested a hand on my hip while the other hand cupped my chin, looking heavenward and closed one eye, poking my tongue out of the corner of my mouth in an overly exaggerated thinking pose for a few moments before saying, "I don't know who you're talking about. My name is Regina. Pleased to meet ya!" Here, I grabbed his hand and gave it a vigorous shake only for the Hatter to remove his hand from mine, looking rather disturbed at my newfound and out-of-ordinary behavior.

"Oh, dear God, you didn't go in the back room of my workshop, did you?!" the Hatter cried out nervously, looking over me and just how much it looked like his everyday clothing.

"What do you mean '_your_ workshop'? I'm the Mad Hatter! I should be the one to know just what is in my shop, thank you very much!" I sniffed in mock indignance.

"Cricket, I think there is something terribly wrong with you. Did you hit your head this morning? Eat raw clams and get food poisoning? What is the matter with you?!" the Hatter wailed, taking my shoulders and shook me till my hat came loose and rolled across the tabletop.

"I'm quite fine, actually."

"What is happening?!" With that final shriek of utter confusion, the Hatter fell to the ground, passed out.

Looking between each other, Mika and I exchanged wicked grins and ran for the house. "Ears! If you wanna play a prank today, now's your window of opportunity!" I called, moving out of the away as the March Hare bounded out the door, headed for the prone form of the Hatter, not allowing us to see what he's doing.

**A few minutes later...**

"What happened to your eye?!"

"What do you mean?"

Because Mika and I wasn't close enough to see what Ears had done, it didn't occur to us to remove the sunglasses that hid a large blackened patch of skin surrounding Reginald's right eye. The moment he took the glasses off was the moment me and Mika got worried.

"Come here," I said, taking his arm and led him into the house, heading straight for the bathroom. Throwing the door open, I flipped the switch to turn on the light and watched as the Hatter's eyes widened in shock and delicately touched the area around his eye.

"What happened?!" the man shrieked, stopping altogether when I slapped him, shouting, "Pull yourself together, man!" With that, I sat him on the toilet to give me access to his face and began carefully prodding his eye.

"Does this hurt?" I questioned him, surprised when the hatmaker shook his head.

"Actually, it doesn't hurt at all," he said after a moment.

I creased my brows together in curiosity and asked, "Really? Nothing at all? If it were me, I would be crying and holding an ice pack to my face. Come to think of it..." Reaching over to grab a rag, I soaked it in water and dabbed the area, relieved (I'm a compassionate person! It doesn't mean I _like_ the guy! Just... concerned somewhat for his wellbeing... I guess) to see Hatter isn't actually hurt.

"It's a fake." It surprises me how much I can sound like Reg sometimes when it comes to things like this.

Reginald laughed. "You were behind this, aren't you?"

"What do you mean? I'm not hiding behind something, am I? Unless, of course, you would consider lots of itsy bitsy dust specks or even a bread and butterfly if it lands on my nose," I replied, injecting bit of Hatter logic into my answer.

"Ears!"

I jumped, not expecting the outburst as he stalked out of the room to find the wayward Hare only to come running back and slamming a bedroom door shut and locking it when he found the March Hare (for today) is a female that looks very similar to the deranged bunny that he hangs around.

...

"What the hell has gotten into Alice?!" Reginald moaned to himself, grabbing hold of his hair in anxiety, pacing around the room's interior, pausing when a noise drew his attention to a purple squirrel perched atop his dresser, shaking its head at him.

"Do you even know what today is, Reg?" the creature asked. Reginald shook his head, eyes widened at the talking lavender colored animal.

"It's January seventh," the creature said, and, seeing the Hatter wasn't comprehending the information, the squirrel sighed. "It's Opposite Day, you simpleminded twit!"

"Opposite Day? I should've seen this coming," Reginald muttered, heading for the closet to rifle through its contents looking for something that could be of use to him.

"Two can play at that game."

...

Taking a sip from my cup, I briefly wondered if I should attempt to coax the Mad Hatter out of the bedroom but paused at hearing the door open. Looking up and over to the door, my jaw dropped at seeing none other than Reginald... looking uncharacteristically calm, absently toying with a pocket watch hanging from a button on his waistcoat. His hair had been slicked back with gel and held in place by a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Other than the appearance of a royal blue overcoat and shoes that actually fit his feet, nothing changed.

"Oh. My. God," I sighed, allowing myself time to take him in still stunned he's acting like a proper gentleman.

"Good day, ladies," the Hatter said calmly, taking a seat on my right and poured himself a cup of tea. I watched his every movement with interest and curiosity, sensing he caught on to what we were doing with him. What further impressed me was when he went to take a sip, he didn't slurp it or dunk his saucer in it and eat it like he did from the first time I met him when I was six.

We sat in silence, the only sounds filling the air was the soft clinking of china. Silence. The one thing to the Mad Tea Party that was utterly alien to the boisterous duo that hardly ever left the premises. The change to the energetic atmosphere made me fidget anxiously and leaned back to see Mika who was doing just as I was.

"You should really hold still in your chairs, my dears. It's improper to fidget in place," Reginald said with a mock Posh accent and sniffed the air with disdain.

_Two can play at that game, Reginald_, I thought deviously.

Exchanging a quick glance filled with looks of utter mischief and amusement behind the Hatter's back, Mika made her presence known by yanking the Hatter's teacup away and chucking it across the yard, shrieking, "**Clean cup! Clean Cup! Move down, move down, move down**!" With that, the Hare was off racing around the table with me and Reginald in tow. Taking it upon myself to make the Mad Hatter (who is by this point completely and utterly confused by the day's turn of events) obey the command to move down the length of the table, I pushed him in the back to urge him to continue moving. I could plainly tell he was less enthused as he would be normally, still disturbed at what is going on.

**Several hours later...**

"Mr. Liddell, you have to save me!" the Hatter wailed, bursting into the living room and grabbed my father, Charles, by the collar of his shirt. The Hater had since dropped the act of being a proper gentleman because of our continued pressure on him with me acting just like him on a scary level. Apparently, Mika and I traumatized him.

"What exactly are you asking me to save you from?" he asked calmly, his eyes drifting to where I stood at the entrance to the living room with a crazed smile on my face and Mika at my side.

"Alice, what on Earth are you doing?"

"Who's Alice? I'm Regina!" I replied, giggling when the Hatter hid behind Dad like a frightened child.

"That's quite enough. I think you and your rabbit friend have had your fun. Just because your mother and I allow you to travel back and forth between here and Wonderland doesn't mean to scare your friends to death by acting just like them," Dad chided me.

I pouted. "... Fine. Happy Opposite Day, you mercury addled lunatic!" I exclaimed finally, laughing when Reggie fainted dead on the floor.

"Thanks for helping me out with pulling this off, Mika," I thanked the Hare as she made her way back outside.

"No problem. It was fun while it lasted," she replied, waving goodbye as she began heading home. "Call me again if you need me to help out again!"

"Who was that, Alice?" Dad questioned after a while.

"That was Mika. She's Ears' cousin he called in to help with my day long prank," I relied, smiling crazily at the prone form in the center of the room.

...

Waking with a jolt, Reginald looked around his dark surroundings and turned on the lamp on his nightstand to see where he was and relieved to see it's his bedroom.

"Thank God... it was just a dream," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and went to turn out the light when he caught sight of something pale yellow on his fingers. Curious, the Hatter kicked off his covers and headed for the bathroom down the hall.

"Oh, my God, what happened to my hair?!" Reginald shrieked, watching his reflection with horror as memories flashed through his mind of the day's events, blanching when Alice dressed in his clothing flashed through his mind's eye.

"It actually happened," the Hatter sighed before fainting on the bathroom floor.

* * *

**Author's Note: Reggie was real prone to fainting this time, huh? Hooray for the appearance of the purple squirrel! XD Scoreboard time!**

**Reg against Alice: 7 - 11**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 4**

**Alice against Reg: 11 - 7**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 4 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	8. Of Groundhogs and Hedgehogs

**Author's Note: I'm back with more holiday shenanigans with Alice, Reggie, and Ears! Enjoy!**

**I owe my mother some credit for this 'cause she gave me the idea for the prank. :D Her idea was inspired by the movie "**_**Groundhog Day**_**" where the same thing happens over and over again. XD**

* * *

_Chapter Seven: Of Groundhogs and Hedgehogs_

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yes, I do. I've been planning it for a while now," the Hare answered, slipping into the Hatter's room and made for the nightstand where a small radio with a built in alarm clock sat, slipping in a CD with The Temptations scrawled across the surface in bold lettering.

"What are you planning to do, Ears?" I prodded, watching as my companion fiddled with the alarm's settings and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the room and around the corner. It's less than a minute till midnight and why Ears needed me now I wouldn't know.

"Wait for it..."

_I've got sunshine on a cloudy day_  
_When it's cold outside I've got the month of May_  
_I guess you'd say_  
_What can make me feel this way?_  
_My girl (my girl, my girl)_  
_Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)_

The sudden sound made me jump and clearly startled the room's occupant whose head happened to be right beside the speaker. "What the hell?!" the Hatter's sleep laced voice shouted, followed shortly after a thud, signaling he had fallen out of bed.

"'_My Girl_', Ears? Really?" I whispered, giving him a high five and watched as Hatter turned off the alarm and crawled back under the covers.

"That's not all."

"Oh?"

"Ask him later today."

"You really are getting the hang of practical joking! Kudos to you for whatever it is you're doing."

**One hour later...**

_I've got sunshine on a cloudy day_  
_When it's cold outside I've got the month of May_  
_I guess you'd say_  
_What can make me feel this way?_  
_My girl (my girl, my girl)_  
_Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)_

"Wha-? Come on! It's one in the morning!" Reginald groused, hitting the snooze button, mildly bemused at the second time the alarm went off in the past hour.

**One hour later...**

_I've got sunshine on a cloudy day_  
_When it's cold outside I've got the month of May_  
_I guess you'd say_  
_What can make me feel this way?_  
_My girl (my girl, my girl)_  
_Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl)_

"Are you even kidding me?! It's not time to get up yet!" Hatter whined, slamming his fist down on the offending object residing on his nightstand.

**Several hours later around six in the morning...**

_I've got sunshine-_

"Shut up!" Reginald shrieked, fed up with the malfunctioning piece of technology, taking it up and throwing it across the room and landing on the floor with a thud. "Don't think you're getting out of this so easily! I've had enough of your games, damn it!" the madman cried, pulling a sledgehammer from under his bed and attacked the radio sitting innocently on the floor, not stopping until it was destroyed beyond repair.

"Finally. I can sleep in peace," the Hatter yawned, dropping the tool on the floor beside his now destroyed radio and crawled back in bed, shoving his head under the pillow, sighing contentedly.

**Five hours later...**

"Reggie? Its time to get up now."

Opening his eyes a crack to look at the Hare standing beside the bed, the Hatter responded with a loud yawn and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Eleven-thirty."

"What?! Why did you let me sleep in so late? Why didn't my alarm go off?!" the Hatter cried, clambering out of bed and ran down the hallway to the bathroom.

"Uh... Reg, I think the reason you didn't wake up is because you broke your clock... again," Ears said calmly, keeping out of the way as the Hatter rushed through his morning routine and disappeared out the door.

The March Hare watched his companion go, shaking his head slightly. "I'll bet he doesn't even know what today is."

**Later that day...**

"Reggie?"

"Yeah, Alice?"

"I don't think groundhogs make their burrows under a bush," I said finally, peering down at the hole when a small and clearly agitated voice rang out, "Damn right they don't!"

"He's just saying that! The little guy is just afraid of his shadow," the Hatter replied, reaching into the hole again. I sighed, sensing the effort of trying to tell him the difference between hedgehogs and groundhogs would be useless.

Looking over at the small brown creature poking his head out of a burrow a short distance away, I glanced between the Groundhog and Reginald a few moments before moving to the other hole in the ground.

"Good afternoon," I said cheerily.

"Afternoon to you, too, miss," the animal replied happily. "So let me guess, you and your friend are here to determine whether it'll be an early spring this year are you not?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Groundhog. I'm tired of all the cold," I answered, nodding my head.

"Enough of the formalities. Call me Carl," the Groundhog said.

"I'm Alice. And the dunderhead with his hand in a hedgehog burrow over there is Reggie," I introduced, extending my pinky finger for Carl to shake.

"Well, it looks your wish of an early spring will be coming true this year," Carl stated, glancing around at the grass surrounding his home.

"Yay!" I exclaimed, clapping my hands in delight and looked up at the Hatter as he took a seat by my side. "You hear that? It's an early spring!" I informed my friend.

"That's funny. The other guy said six more weeks of winter," Reginald stated vaguely.

"You realize you had your hand in Maurice's burrow, do you not? Maurice is a hedgehog; I'm a groundhog," Carl said, watching the deranged haberdasher curiously.

"How do I now you're not lying to me?"

"Reg, we've been over this! Hedgehogs make their nests under hedges and other shrubbery; hence their name hedgehog! Groundhogs don't really have a specific place where they burrow. They find a suitable place and dig," I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose in irritation.

"Is he even serious?"

"I'm afraid he is."

* * *

**Author's Note: If you caught on to why I named the hedgehog Maurice, give yourselves a pat on the back! I just thought it'd be fun to have a "**_**Sonic the Hedgehog**_**" reference in there! XD Scoreboard time!**

**Reg against Alice: 7 - 11**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 5**

**Alice against Reg: 11 - 7**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 5 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	9. Whoopie Cushions and Proposal Fake-Outs

**Author's Note: Guess what? Since it's getting close to Valentine's Day, I decided to give you guys a little bit of Alice/Reggie fluff to get you in the spirit for some holiday hijinks with our favorite WCMI couple! Hooray for fluffy chapters! :D Since I haven't used this idea yet, thank you jjhatter for this! You're the greatest! ^_^**

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Whoopie Cushions and Proposal Fake-Outs_

"Sir, I've shown you our entire inventory. It would be easier for me to help you if you know what you're looking for," the store employee said with barely contained annoyance. The poor young lady in question had spent the past five hours showing Reginald and Ears every single animal they carried and the hatmaker had yet to find anything that struck his fancy.

"Reg, why don't we go somewhere else and look? The nice lady is getting tired of this," the Hare prodded, looking and feeling as tired and annoyed as the woman trying to help them.

"It's not my fault they don't-" Reg paused, straining his ears as a soft noise perked his attention.

"Do you hear that?"

"Yes. It sounds like-"

"A perfect way to get back at Alice!" Reginald cut in, cackling as he made his way over to the box from which the sound originated.

...

Standing by the Queen's side, I observed as the Cards Soldiers decorated the expansive ballroom in celebration of Valentine's Day. Ever since the Queen of Hearts found out the image representing the holiday was a heart, she was all about it. I'm not sure why she insisted on me going through watching the preparations for the ball tonight but I didn't dare argue for fear of stirring her temper.

"Have you been paying attention, Alice?"

I jumped at the question, still on edge from the New Year's fiasco with the Hatter and Ears. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty. Something has been bothering me as of late," I apologized, delicately taking up the hem of the fabric hanging loosely from my hips and curtsied. Apparently, the Queen thinks I should wear at least a skirt so now I have a small banner tied around my waist in a makeshift skirt to appease the older woman.

"And, might I ask, does it have something to do with your bandaged fingers?" the ebony headed woman asked me, taking one of my hands in hers to study the bandages with disdain.

"Yes, Your Majesty. The Mad Hatter and I had a falling out on New Year's and nearly blew each other's hands off. Eight weeks later and some of my injuries haven't healed yet," I replied calmly, trying to keep the platinum blonde from entering my mind but knew it was too late since my mind drifted to the prank war and my future pranks.

**That night...**

"You look beautiful tonight, Cricket," Hatter complimented, appraising my attire with interest. My dress wasn't much of anything compared to the gowns of the other women attending as it was a simple strapless red dress, the skirts layered somewhat to draw attention to my petite figure and gloves to hide the bandages from my New Year's injuries. My hair had been done up into a loose braid and a red rose charm held the stray locks of hair from my face showing m makeup save for a pink tint to my lips from lip gloss.

I blushed. "Thanks. You clean up pretty good yourself," I replied, taking in Reginald's outfit for the evening. A dark red overcoat, white dress shirt, black pants, and an eye watering pink waistcoat took place of his usual clothing tonight. Another thing surprising me is the absence of the obscenely large top hat on Reggie's head until Ears called our attention to him at a table a little ways from the dance floor.

"Care to join us, sweetheart?" Reggie asked, taking me by the arm and leading me back to where his companion waited for us before I could even give him a proper answer.

"You look stunning in that dress," the Hare gushed, making the tint to my cheeks turn red.

The sound of a trumpet blasting out rang through the expansive room (courtesy of the White Rabbit, naturally. Who else would be doing it? Hatter? People, please.) drew our attention to the balcony overlooking the room as the Queen began her speech about one thing or another but I wasn't paying attention as I sat down, my hands going up to my mouth to stifle a giggle at the sound of air being released. The room was filled with quiet giggling at this before the woman began screeching at everyone to be quiet and, after composing herself, continued her speech.

"Are you serious? A whoopie cushion, Ears? Now? At a formal event?" I whispered harshly, lifting myself out of my seat enough to pull the deflated object from beneath me, jolting when the Hatter let out a rather large belch in my ear. That's when nobody could contain it any longer as the crowds burst into a mad laughing fit. And Reginald didn't stop there as he made his way for the tea pot (I'll tell you now, it's a big ass tea pot! Big enough to make Reginald's hat seem normal sized... and that's saying something right there) at the other end of the room one of the Cards was attending to and took it, shouting in triumph as he ran about the room with it held high in his hands as the Card gave chase, tea sloshing out everywhere on the floor, walls, people, and somehow even the ceiling.

**Half an hour later...**

"Well, you picked a hell of a time to make a fool of yourself, Reg," I sighed, clasping my hands around his neck as we danced across the floor after a rather humorous (and disastrous) run in with the big ass tea pot and dumping at least half the food on the buffet on the floor though it didn't stop some people from digging into the discarded platters and entrees on the floor.

"Come _on_, Cricket, don't you think the party was a little boring?" the Hatter teased, twirling me around before bringing me back.

"I gotta say it isn't like the ones you host everyday," I answered, smirking slightly when the Hatter's ice blue eyes sparkled in pleasure at the comment.

"You know, I've been thinking about this thing you and I have," Reginald said after a few moments.

"What's this 'us' business, Reg? The only thing I can possibly think of that describes us is friends. Nothing more," I stated, watching the Hatter pull away and reach into the inner pocket of his jacket.

"Are you certain? I think there is so much more," the white headed man said softly, sinking to the floor on one knee.

"Hell, no! Reggie-!"

"You're the one to start all the trouble!" the Queen's angry voice raged, making me jump out from in front of the Hatter as he tossed the box's contents onto the Queen's face, getting rewarded with a crystal shattering scream as small chirping insects fell from her hair and onto the floor.

"Hatter!" I cried, startled when the man grabbed my arm and dragged me to the door with the March Hare hot on our heels as we raced through the castle to the exit. We didn't stop running for some time until the shouts of the Queen was no longer heard.

"This is definitely a night Wonderland isn't going to forget anytime soon," Ears sighed, slumping over in his chair. The Hatter had deemed it necessary to run the entire way back to the Mad Tea Party... without stopping.

I nodded tiredly in agreement. "I hear you. Especially after the failed attempt at tossing crickets into my face." At this, I shot the Hatter a dirty look and he replied with an innocent smile.

"What?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about, you pathetic excuse for intelligent life!" I seethed, narrowing my eyes dangerously.

"There's no need for name calling, Cricket. At least this wasn't as bad as the Tea Party Scandal." The Mad Hatter's eyes flashed with wicked merriment when I blushed a bright red and just knew he got my blood boiling.

"Don't _ever_ bring that up again!" I threatened, getting out of my seat and stalking home, not coming back around the tea party for several days.

**Several days later...**

"Alice, I need your help!"

I jumped in surprise, not expecting to see the March Hare in my room, watching me with hopeful eyes.

"What do you want, Ears? It's almost midnight! Go home!" I yawned, sticking my head under the pillow to try and block ut the Hare's words of: "I need to borrow a CD for a prank!"

"You're going to pull a prank at this hour? On Reg? I woke him up at a late hour once and he acted as though I told him the Mad Tea Party has finally run out of tea," I said sleepily, peering up at the rabbit from under my pillow.

"It wouldn't be the same without you!"

"..."

"Please, will you help me?

_Damn those eye of yours_, I thought tiredly, kicking off the covers and sat up, watching him with irritation. "... Fine. What are you planning to do?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Time to score up the points again! Because I feel like it, I'll be doing the holiday thing again with their delightfully mischievous deeds that are sure to follow! The next holiday on my list to write about next: Valentine's Day! What sort of insane pranks will I come up with for this? I take requests!**

**Reg against Alice: 7 - 11**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 5**

**Alice against Reg: 11 - 7**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 5 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	10. After the Party

**Author's Note: Welcome back! This is for jjhatter who wanted to see Mika and a second part to my Valentine's Day Chapter! Enjoy!**

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Whoopie Cushions and Proposal Fake-Outs, Part Two_

I suppose I lied, then. What felt like days were only a few hours since I was coaxed back by Ears and had told me he straightened the madman out with a good talking to as it were. And this time, it didn't involve finger wagging and a 'don't let this happen again'. Ears and I sat quietly drinking tea, each of us lost in our thoughts while Reginald passed out on the couch, apparently exhausted from the day's events.

"Ears?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked, reclining in my seat, watching the Hatter sleeping on the couch across the room, plotting his downfall.

"That you want to play a prank on Reg?" Ears questioned.

"Oh, yeah. Do you think Mika could come over?"

"At this hour? I wouldn't know. What are you planning?"

"I'm going to make him think he got lucky," I said deviously, getting up to start hauling Reginald upstairs to his room.

...

"You have a delightfully devious mind."

"I know! And I knew you would just love to have a hand in this," I replied, watching as Mika vigorously scratched her head, messing her hair up and pulled free a strap from her dress off her shoulder before climbing in bed next to the Hatter's slumbering form under the covers. The platinum blonde in question minded none of what was happening at all. Hatter instead opted to snore lightly in his sleep. His shirt and vest had been undone, exposing his upper body to show kiss marks in red and pink lipstick covering his chest and face.

"I really must say I'm feeling violated," Ears' muffled voice sounded.

"Quiet, you. Let us say our lines then make your presence known. Stick to the plan," I chided, crawling in bed beside him. I had decided to change completely, trading in my dress from the party to one of Reginald's button up shirts, looking just as disheveled as my companions. Propping myself up my elbow, I took my time studying the animated man's face, marveling at the peaceful expression that is normally overtaken by a goofy grin that annoys me so much. Tentatively reaching over to him, I brushed a few stray bangs from his face to see him better, surprised when the Hatter responded by grabbing me by the waist and held me close to him, prompting a dark blush to appear on my cheeks, spreading to my ears and down my neck.

...

Stirring from his sleep, the Hatter found himself staring at the ceiling and sighed, wondering how he had gotten to his room when he didn't remember even leaving the couch. The second thing he took note of was a small and warm ball of fuzz pressed to against his side. Craning his neck to see, his eyes widened and yelped, not expecting to see a Hare in his bed cuddling him.

The Hare in question awoke at the sudden noise and peered up at the platinum blonde with bedroom eyes, asking, "Bad dream? Hey, baby."

...

"Who the hell are you?!" Reginald cried, scrambling to put distance between him and Mika before he put his hand down and caught my hair, making me yelp in pain.

"Alice? What are you doing in my bed?! Go home!" the Hatter's voice was taking on a high pitch in his growing hysterics as what he was seeing unfurled before his eyes and not even realizing he was being punk'd.

I pouted at him. "You said we could spend the night," I complained.

"I did no such thing!" he remarked, folding his arms.

"What's all the noise?" Ears' muffled voice asked.

Reginald blanched. "Ears?"

The March Hare poked his head out from under the covers, grinning like a maniac. "Who's up for round two?"

And that tore it. The Hatter screamed, scrambling over the side of the bed and ran.

...

"What the hell do you want? You have any idea what time it is?" Alice's brother Michael had been roused from his sleep by the insistent banging on the front door by a frantic Hatter.

"Your sister is scaring me! I think she may have set me up to look like I may or may not have had a four way with your sister, my friend and his cousin!" the platinum blonde shrieked, grabbing the younger man by his shirt and shook him.

"If you did, my dad's going to kill you. Not that Alice would mind any."

"What?"

**The following day…**

"Fancy running into you here."

Looking up from my work of icing a cake, I sighed and replied with, "I _live_ here. How'd you get in?"

"Well, the door was locked," the platinum blonde said, grinning.

"I know that, Reggie. My parents aren't home right now and I was told to lock the door. What are you doing here?" I questioned him, setting aside my task for a moment.

Here, the Hatter tugged at the collar of his shirt awkwardly. "Well, Cricket, you see... I kinda... sorta..."

"Out with it, man! You sorta what?" I cried, snapping him out of wherever his thoughts were wandering off to.

"I kinda told my parents we're an item."

"..."

"Cricket?"

"You told them _what?!_ Have you officially lost your damn mind?!" I screeched, grabbing hold of the lapels of his jacket and shook him. "What were you thinking, you mercury addled twit?"

"I didn't mean to say it, I swear! I got distracted and I sorta started talking to myself and forgot I was even talking to my mother," the Hatter said frantically, pulling himself out of my grasp... and put the garbage can between us to prevent any physical harm.

"Why you...!"

"Alice, we're home," Mom's voice called, getting me to glance over to the hallway to find my parents making their way into the room, sensing trouble boiling in their midst. "Hello, Reginald. Your parents called earlier looking for you. They invited us to a party and said something about meeting their little boy's girlfriend." I blushed and turned to look at Hatter with a look that said 'I'm going to kill you!'

...

"Reggie! It's been too long since we last got together!" the older woman gushed, bringing a less than enthusiastic Hatter into a hug and kissed his face, making him blush.

"Aw, who loves his mama?" I mocked him. "Give your mother a big ol' kiss!"

"Oh, this is Alice, my... ah... lady friend," he introduced me, casting a wicked grin my way as his parents turned to look at me with broad smiles.

"It's so nice to finally meet you! Reggie told us so much about you!" his mother gushed, releasing the Hatter in favor of bringing me into a hug. I watched the Hatter the entire time, mouthing the words 'I will get you for this' before faking a smile when the woman pulled away.

**Several hours later...**

"My parents seem to like you, Cricket."

"Quiet, you. It's your fault we're in this mess!" I snapped, scrubbing furiously at a dish in my hands. The Hatter and I are currently washing dishes by hand in his kitchen, him washing and me drying them. Drying off a knife, I went red in the face when he asked, "What do you suppose will happen if I told them we're engaged?"

"That's it!" I screeched, throwing the rag down and lunged for him, chasing him out of the house and around the tea table in the backyard. "You want a married couple, Hatter?! I'll give you a married couple! Come here!"

The entire time Reg and I ran the length of the table, our parents watched with amusement and I could've sworn I heard Reggie's father say, "Ah, young love. It doesn't get any better than chasing your lover around the backyard with a knife."

* * *

**Author's Note: Once Again, happy (late) Valentine's Day, you guys! Hope you liked your Valentine's gift from me to you!**

**Now time for the scoreboard! Yes, I'm letting Ears get a point for helping with the prank. Aren't I terrible with making him think he had a four way? XD**

**Reg against Alice: 8 - 12**

**Reg against Ears: 1 - 6**

**Alice against Reg: 12 - 8**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 6 - 1**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	11. Mischief Making and Leprechauns

**Author's Note: Welcome to the (late) St. Patricks' Day chapter, everyone! :D**

* * *

_Chapter Nine: Mischief Making and Leprechauns_

"Alice, I need help!"

I sighed in annoyance as a flash of green and orange overtook my vision and strong arms wound their way around my waist, shaking me a bit in excitement. "Let go of me you poor excuse for human life!" I shouted, wrenching myself out of the Hatter's grip. The platinum blonde wasn't fazed in the slightest as he continued grinning like an idiot.

"Wanna help me prank Ears? I've been needing to get him back for the mustard incident," he said, shrugging. I opened my mouth to protest, sensing I would end up being pranked instead of helping prank someone else but wound up getting a container for hair dye shoved in my face. "You know you want to," he singsonged, waving the bottle tauntingly in my face with a mischievous grin to match it.

"..."

"Is that a yes?"

"Fine. What are you gonna do? Trick Ears into dying his fur green for Saint Patty's Day? That sounds an awful lot like what I planned to do to him except my idea involved twenty gallons of green paint, a garden hose, some feathers, and a flatbed truck."

...

"Are you sure this'll work? I had a pet rabbit once and I'm sure Peter didn't take showers," I asked skeptically, watching as the platinum blonde swapped out shampoo bottles with the hair dye.

"You know me so well!" the Hatter cackled, grabbing my arm and dragging me along behind him to Ears' room.

"What are we doing? Is there something we're gonna do to him in his sleep?"

"Not quite. Take a look," he answered, eyes flashing with wicked merriment as he opened the door to let us in the room. Instead of seeing a room full of furniture, I found nothing. I glanced around a few moments before opening my mouth to question the madman only for Reginald's finger slip under my chin and raised my head to look at the ceiling to see the wayward bits of furniture sticking to the ceiling.

"What in the world...? Reggie, how in the name of Wonderland did you accomplish _that_?" I asked after a few moments.

The madman grinned, holding up a bottle with industrial strength glue. "I did it with this!" he grinned.

"Reggie! That's industrial strength glue, you dunce!" I shouted, slapping him upside the head. "After that, he'll never get it down!"

"How was I supposed to know? I got distracted by the cute little teddy bear on the bottle!" he exclaimed, pointing to the picture of a rabid grizzly bear.

"You just astound me sometimes," I sighed, turning and walking out of the room with Reggie in tow.

**A few hours later...**

"Reg!"

The sudden shout made us both jump as a green blur pounced on the Hatter and took him to the ground. "What did you do to the shampoo?!" the blur screeched furiously, grabbing Reggie by the lapels of his jacket and shook. My jaw dropped, seeing the green thing was in fact a Hare.

"Ears? What happened to you?!" I cried, having the decency to try and stifle my laughter at the March Hare's predicament. The Hatter, on the other hand, has no such decency and laughed outright.

"You look like a leprechaun took a crap on you!" the madman cackled, pushing himself to his feet and dumping Ears to the ground in an unceremonious heap.

"This is your fault!" Ears shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

"How do you know it was me? How do you know it wasn't Alice?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow in wonderment.

"Because I know Alice likes me enough to spare me from inadvertently dying my fur green!" the irate Hare snapped.

**That night…**

"Alice? May I ask you a question?"

Looking up from my activity of stacking sugar cubes into a pyramid, I shrugged. "Sure."

"If you were in my position, what would you do?"

I pondered this for a few moments before answering with, "Considering I already had paint and a suspicious liquid dumped on my head on top of him belching in my ear along with almost having crickets thrown in my face, I would make him go through that gender bending thing again. Though I can only imagine how you feel having your entire body dyed green and everything in your room glued to the ceiling with industrial strength glue."

"Yes, I suppose... wait. What? _WHAT_?!" with that final screech, the green Hare dashed into the house. The Hatter, who had been asleep this entire time, jolted in his seat at the scream from his friend before realization dawned on his freckled features and an evil grin found its way into his mouth.

A shrill and rather feminine scream sounded from inside the household, loud enough to scare the birds from their perches in the trees. "Reg! I will get revenge for this! I swear it!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Once again, happy (late) St. Patty's Day, you guys!**

**Now time for the scoreboard!**

**Reg against Alice: 8 - 12**

**Reg against Ears: 3 - 6**

**Alice against Reg: 12 - 8**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 0**

**Ears against Reg: 6 - 3**

**Ears against Alice: 0 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	12. Of Jellybeans, Bunnies, and Confetti

**Author's Note: jjhatter, do you realize how awesome you are with these ideas of yours?! As you requested, the Cheshire Cat has been thrown into the Easter shenanigans for you! Happy Easter!**

* * *

_Chapter Ten: Of Jellybeans, Bunnies, and Confetti_

Taking a seat at the table with my younger sisters, I watched as the four girls each set their items on the table to begin working on painting eggs and confetti eggs I planned to use on somebody later today. Sure, it's midnight, but my sisters wouldn't let me sleep until I helped them with the projects.

"Alice! Cricket!"

"Good God, what does he want?!" I muttered, looking up from watching my little sisters coloring eggs at the table to the platinum blonde in the backyard. Watching the man pry open the window above the sink and crawl inside, my sisters laughed at the Hatter's antics as he knocked things over as he scrambled over the counter and onto the floor.

"Alice, you won't believe what I found!" he cried out, digging in his pocket before producing a bag full of Jellybeans.

"Congratulations. You've discovered the wonderful world of Jellybeans. What of it?" I sighed, reaching in and taking a few before popping them into my mouth and promptly spitting them back out. "Ugh! What was that?!" I exclaimed in disgust, glaring at the amused expression on the Hatter's face.

"Prank Jellybeans! Aren't they delightful?" he grinned, holding up the bag of candy.

"Hatter!" I lunged for him, making the man yelp and race for the door with me hot on his heels with a bag of freshly painted eggs. But I knew better than to think them ordinary.

Once the deranged haberdasher was clear of the front lawn, I paused to grab an 'egg' and threw it with perfect aim, nailing the platinum blonde on the back of the head, exploding in a burst of confetti.

The Hatter stopped to rub the point of contact and turned to examine the mess of colored paper on the ground at his feet before asking, "What was that?"

"Confetti eggs!" I cackled, launching a few more confetti eggs in Reggie's direction, each nailing him as the man made a mad dash down the road, not before another egg could nail him in the ass, getting a surprised yelp as he raced around the corner and out of sight.

**A few hours later...**

"Alice, this is bordering on impractical than practical." Ears was watching as I pulled my jeans up past my knees and waded into the pond in the park with boards linked together that suspiciously looked like a bridge and laid it in the water just beneath the surface.

"Come on, Ears. It'll be funny! Just get the camera ready and start filming when I give the signal," I replied, eager to put the prank in motion. I carried the board out a good ways past the large bush that concealed me and my companion out the path that runs along the bank so people could see me clearly. Ears and I informed the Hatter we would be here nearly an hour ago, so we expect him to show up shortly. "Oh, I almost forgot. You said you were pulling a prank on Reggie?"

An evil grin. "Yep. This will be even better than the mustard replacing the tea!"

"That's impressive," I grinned, pausing in my work to regard my friend. "What did you do?"

...

He just knew Ears and Alice were up to no good.

He just knew they had something to do with the legions of cats, including Wonderland's own Cheshire Cat levitating just off the ground with his trademark ear to ear grin, watching something that the Hatter couldn't see as more and more felines poured into the yard.

"What are they up to, I wonder?" he asked himself, opening the door to leave the house only to get covered in a substance he couldn't quite make out and just as suddenly, he was swarmed by the eagerly waiting felines.

...

"Do you honestly think he'll come? At six in the morning? I need to get home and get ready for church soon," I sighed, perking when a crystal shattering scream tore through the morning air. And sure enough, Hatter came racing down the pathway towards the pond and did a rather impressive belly flop in the water to avoid the vast amount of cats on his tail. "Ears, are you recording this?" I asked, grinning like a madwoman at seeing the man hasn't noticed us yet.

"You know I am! That was my prank!"

"You know, I normally wouldn't consider you a genius when it comes to pranks, but that was just evil," I giggled, climbing onto the boards I laid out just beneath the surface and wandered over to the drenched hatmaker, stifling a giggle at noticing he hasn't seen me yet.

"The hell was that?!" Reginald shrieked, wiping furiously at his eyes.

"Nice day for a swim, huh, Reggie?" I said casually, crouching down to his level. The stunned man did a double take and proceeded to blink a few times before attempting to talk.

"A-Alice?" he sputtered, "How are you...?"

"I'm doing great, thanks for asking," I said cheerily, taking his hand and pulling him onto the board in front of me.

"How...? What...? ... Oh, I see." Realization hit him as he looked down and spotted the planks we were standing on.

"Bright and alert as always, I see," I grinned, hopping off the boards and leaving a still stunned Hatter still standing there in the middle of the pond.

The last thing I heard before I got out of the park was Reggie shouting, "What just happened?!"

**Several hours later after church and sometime during the Easter egg hunt...**

Sitting back and observing the energetic children run about the expanse of the playground a short distance from the church, I found myself fancying the Mad Hatter being amongst the equally hyperactive children as they screamed in delight as they scoured the area for plastic eggs. The mental image the thought provided made me stifle a snicker, not putting it past Reginald to do it if the thought was voiced.

The thought was cut short when Michael put a hand on my shoulder and pointed to a white blur bounding along near the edge of the playground. "Is that the White Rabbit?" I wondered aloud and pleased to see it was before calling his name and got the jittery bunny to stop long enough to look in my direction and never got to say anything when I pointed at him and shouted, "Look, kids! It's the Easter bunny!" The loud proclamation caught the attention of the children and all turned to face the White Rabbit with delight.

"Get him!"

The scream set off a chain reaction as the large group charged the poor rabbit as the creature realized what happened and ran as fast as his legs could carry him in fear of being caught by the children.

At that moment Ears and Hatter chose to show up when I pointed to the Hare and cried out again, "Look, you guys! It's a chocolate Easter bunny!" The massive congregation of kids split like when Moses parted the Red Sea and the half that pulled away made a beeline for Ears and the March Hare was off faster than I've seen him move before, screaming.

"Cricket, you're a naughty little girl," Reggie commented with a smirk, watching his friend join up with the White Rabbit as they tried to outrun their pursuers.

I returned the smirk. "I know. Just what till you see what else I got up my sleeve."

"Like dumping catnip on my head and getting chased my Wonderland's entire feline population?" the hatmaker tipped his head downward at look at me with a quizzical expression.

"Catnip? That wasn't me, the walking on water prank was mine," I answered, looking up to meet his gaze before the Hatter took off after the children, screaming something at Ears that sounded an awful lot like threats and promises of pain suffering and possibly being made into a hat.

"Should we stop him and call off the kids?" Michael asked after a while.

"Nah. The kids need the exercise and Reggie's getting his in too. The only time I see him move like that is when he's running from me when I'm pissed with him or when he decides he needs a clean cup and insists everybody run the length of a table that's about the same length as four houses side by side that's somehow been crammed into an average sized backyard. Let them go," I said, waving a hand dismissively and began walking towards the church to find our parents while others gave chase to reclaim their respective children, feigning innocence when I was questioned about it, knowing full well that Ears would be coming after me for setting the kids off on him and Mr. Rabbit.

Until that time comes, it's a waiting game.

* * *

**Author's Note: Happy Easter, you guys! If you got a suggestion, let me know and I'll work it in for you! Who wants to see Reggie pull pranks on Alice to tip odds in his favor? Raise your hands if you wanna see it happen and things I can do to put Reggie in the lead on the scoreboard! :D**

**Now time for the scoreboard!**

**Reg against Alice: 8 - 13**

**Reg against Ears: 3 - 7**

**Alice against Reg: 13 - 8**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 1**

**Ears against Reg: 7 - 3**

**Ears against Alice: 1 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


	13. Ol' McReggie Had a Farm

**Author's Note: April Fools, everybody! I'd be lying if I said you guys aren't awesome for reviewing (those of you that actually did leave reviews) and equally awesome people who are following and favoriting the fic! :D**

* * *

_Chapter Eleven: Ol' McReggie Had a Farm... in Alice's House_

Waking up that morning, I absently rubbed at my eyes and yawned before lazily rolling out of bed to start my day, I froze at coming face to face with something that has no business being in a house.

A cow.

"What the hell...?" I muttered, making my way around the animal and wandered downstairs, pausing again when I found a chicken perched on the coffee table in the living room. "Mom! Dad! I think we got a problem!"

**Meanwhile with the deranged dynamic duo…**

"Reggie, you're my friend and I want you to get a good laugh out of your pranks but what you just did is impractical rather than practical," the rabbit sighed, watching the deranged hatmaker as they sat outside Alice's home, observing as the Liddell family ran about the house wrangling farm animals scattered around their household.

"Perhaps, but I couldn't resist pulling at least one impractical joke in this war!" the Hatter cackled, laughing harder when Alice caught sight of him outside the window.

"Now you've done it! _Run_!" Ears shrieked, the duo taking off at breakneck speed when an angry Alice disappeared from their sight and showed up on the front porch.

...

"Reginald! Ears! I will destroy you!" I screamed after the Hatter and Hare's retreating forms before stalking back in the house.

Having rounded up most the animals in the house my dad and brothers busied themselves with herding the animals out of the house and into the backyard while my sisters and mother set about attempting to clean up what the animals left behind. "Please tell us the Hatter is behind this," my sister, Lorina, begged me.

"Don't rest yet. We're still missing one of each animal," Jordan moaned tiredly, flopping onto the couch. That got a curious look from me.

"How many of them do we already have? I've already seen cows and chickens. What else are we missing?" I asked, feeling more and more annoyed with Reggie's prank.

"So far we have three sheep, chickens, and cows. We're missing one of each," she explained.

That was the moment realization dawned on me. "No, we have them all. Do the tags on them have one, two, and four?" Everyone in the room nodded. "That's the prank! Get three animals and make sure it's labeled one, two, and four. They did that so the victims would spend the entire day looking for the one labeled three. That's the prank."

"We need to get those idiots back."

...

"Reggie, I fear when Alice comes for you, you're going to regret it," Ears sighed. "And what's worse, she might have something in store for me because she saw me with you."

"Nonsense, Ears. How mad could Alice be? Every time a lady gets mad at me, I entertain her all night and come the morning, all is forgiven." The Hatter seemed so confident in that theory. Ears sat there, watching his companion in bemusement, seeing Reginald has already forgotten his past run-ins with the temperamental blonde.

**An hour later…**

"Hey, Reg," I sighed, dragging myself into the yard and plopping myself down in the seat to the Hatter's right, sighing tiredly.

"Alice? Are you quite alright? I thought you were here to tear me a new one after the farm animals your house this morning," he said warily, surprising him when I slammed my head on the table and didn't say anything else.

"... Alice? Are you okay?" Reggie poked my shoulder and, seeing he got no reaction from me, continued prodding me.

**Ten minutes later…**

"Ears?"

"Yes, Reg?" the Hare looked up from his cup of tea to find the Hatter brandishing a shovel.

"I do believe it's time to dispose of the body and get rid of anything that may have ended her," the man said gravely. "Start digging and I'll get the body."

Ears' eyes widened considerably. "Maybe you should check her before burying her. She might not be dead," Ears advised cautiously, watching his friend move to Alice's unmoving form.

...

Feeling strong hands gently slip under my arms, I unexpectedly jolted and let out a sharp, high pitched scream and sprinted out of the yard. It was a moment before Reginald let out a scream of his own.

"You better run!" Hatter shouted and I spared a glance at him over my shoulder to find him giving chase.

...

"What did you do to him? Tell me!" was Jordan's way of greeting me when I got home that night.

I grinned. "I think I gave the man a heart attack," I giggled, highly amused at the look on the Hatter's face when I sprang to life when he went to pick me up. "That idiot thought I died at that table! He was going to bury me!"

Jordan and the other girls didn't seem impressed. "That was your prank? Playing dead?"

"No, it was part of the prank! When he tried to pick me up and bury me, I screamed in his face and ran!" I laughed.

"You are evil, Alice," Lorina sighed, grinning just as widely as our other sisters were at the mental image of the Hatter's face.

"Yeah, I am! Ears thought it was hilarious once the shock of what happened wore off and Reggie chased me clear out of the yard. I only managed to get away by dropping a coin on the ground," I grinned.

Oh, I know I'm going to get it with the Hatter soon, but, like with Ears, it's a waiting game until then.

* * *

**Author's Note: Happy (late) April Fool's Day, you guys! If you got a suggestion, let me know and I'll work it in for you! Who wants to see Reggie pull pranks on Alice to tip odds in his favor? Raise your hands if you wanna see it happen and things I can do to put Reggie in the lead on the scoreboard! :D**

**Now time for the scoreboard!**

**Reg against Alice: 9 - 14**

**Reg against Ears: 3 - 7**

**Alice against Reg: 14 - 9**

**Alice against Ears: 1 - 1**

**Ears against Reg: 7 - 3**

**Ears against Alice: 1 - 1**

**Remember guys: if you got an idea for a prank you wanna see happen let me know as well as who's pulling the prank on who!**


End file.
